How many performances do you figure you’ve done?

Bob: I’ve been doing stand up for 16 years. I normally do between 90 to 100 shows a year. So 16 times 90 is…. Well, we dont need to bring math into this. I’ve done a lot of shows.
 

I knew about death growing up. My uncle was a mortician. He was really into it. His pajama’s were footy PJ’s with toe tags. I was afraid to play out back in his sandbox. I was afraid it was really a crematorium. I didn’t want to build a sandcastle and find a watch!

Have you had the flu yet? Believe me, you’d know. For starters, you wouldn’t be strong enough to have typed in my website on your computer.

I hit a guy with my truck! Technically he hit my truck with his feet. Now that I have your attention I’ll explain.
Houston is home of the tiny streets. They pride themselves in having the smallest streets in the world. “Come to our city if you own a small bike and have been dieting for atleast 12 years” is their motto I just made up.

My wife and I come from two different backgrounds. She grew up rich. Her house was huge. Her bedroom was 6 doors down from her parents and 3 doors down from the Chic-fil-A.
I grew up poor. I had to wear hand-me-downs from my younger brother and I did not look good in capris. Ok, I did but I’m not ready to talk about that. The point is my wife and I grew up completely different.