My Kid may be a Comedian

Nov, 13, 2014

My kid had to write a story about a banana…not only was this crazy funny but it had a good message. I hope he lets me open for him one day!
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I’m a banana. Let’s get that out of the way. Please don’t think I’m a skinny squash. Being a banana can be hard. A lot of other fruit at my school make fun of me. They say jokes like, “Here comes the banana! No one slip on him.” Or they say, “I’m going to throw a rock at the top of your head because I love a banana split!” Fruit can be cruel, especially the sour ones.
Once I was on the playground and two Kiwis came up to me. They can be very sour. One of the Kiwis said, “Hey Banana! Are you fast? Can you peel out?” I didn’t get it until the other one said, “Let’s peel him and see!” Thankfully, an overweight apple rolled up just then and threw some small grapes that were in kindergarten at the Kiwi. Our teacher, Mrs. Meatloaf, yelled at us to stop throwing the smaller fruit!
I said, “We will! Sorry to be so fruity! But we’ll show the younger fruit how grapeful we are!” Mrs. Meatloaf didn’t get the joke. She was too worried about getting a sunburn so she started putting on more ketchup. She wasn’t even watching us anymore. This made me nervous. You see, I’m the only banana at the school. There’s lots of Pickles, Oranges, Pears, and Apples. We even got a foreign exchange pomegranate. But there’s no bananas at my school.
I’ve been going to this school ever since I was fully green. This is my fourth year and I’m bright yellow. Except for today. I’m turning red pretty quickly because the two Kiwis are realizing that Mrs. Meatloaf isn’t paying attention to us anymore.
The Kiwis saw that this would be a great time to start picking on me again. The biggest one said, “You may be taller than the rest of us but you squish pretty easily.” I found this sort of confusing because the Kiwi fruit is known for going soft quickly. But I wasn’t going to say that now.
What I chose to say was…nothing. I wasn’t going to stand up to any fruit that was all ready growing a beard. Kiwi are fuzzy you know. Anyway, I decided to walk away from these bullies. They decided to walk with me. Actually, they rolled.
“Hey! Where are you going!”, they said. At least, I think that’s what they said. I could only hear every fourth word because they were rolling and their mouths kept hitting the ground.
I should have looked where I was running to because I came to the lemon juice lake. I was trapped. I had no where to go but back the way I came. I slowly turned around and said, “Why do you guys pick on me?”
The two kiwis said, “You aren’t like anyone else here. You are soft, you are yellow, and no one knows what potassium is so they don’t care if you have it. You are different. You are like no one else.” The biggest Kiwi said, “Let’s push him in the lemon lake and see if he floats on the lemon lily pads.”
They moved forward but stopped because of the loud sound. Every fruit in the playground looked over to a yellow bus pulling up. The yellow bus opened its doors and all of a sudden….I started counting the bananas hopping off the bus!
“One banana, two banana, three banana, four…four bananas make a bunch and so do many more!” And that’s what I saw…many more bananas stepping off the bus. Turns out they were transferring from Africa. They were here to stay. I looked at the playground and it was now covered in yellow. I turned to the two Kiwi and said, “What were you saying?” They started rolling away.
As they were peeling off, I yelled, “Never make fun of anyone for being different! If I hear that you do that again, I will give you a black eye pea!”